Wednesday, July 8, 2009

The Id and Ego Go Thrifting

Lunch break with everyone's favorite Freudian constructs.

Id: Man, is it hot outside.

Ego: You said it, kid. Too hot to walk, we'll get all sweaty.

Id: Hey! Let's go shopping!

Ego: Do what now? Don't we have some NaNo note cards to type up or something?

Id: C'mon, it'll be fun! I call shotgun!

Ego: *sigh*

[Our duo drives to Goodwill]

Oooh! Look at all the treasures!

That's pronounced "crap."

Don't be such a Gloomy Gus. Maybe there's an old camera. You remember the Argus C-3 we found here, right?

And paid too much for, yes, I remember it well.

Oh hush, you like it too. And we need to see how those firework photos came out. I like fireworks! Boom! Shhhhhh-pow!

One quick loop around the store, and then we're going.

OK, OK, fine. Ummm... no cool old leather cases in the glass cabinet. Maybe there's a typewriter in the back.

Oh, like we need another typewriter.

We sure do! Let's look!

[15 fruitless minutes later]

Oh, nerts. But look at this cool wooden desk organizer I found!


What? What do you mean, "no?" It's only seven bucks! Look, we could put pens here, and note cards over there. You like that, right? Sorting stuff?

Id, we can't find the desk for all the organizers we've got piled on it. Put it back.

Oh, OK... but wait! What about at home? We could totally use this at home!

No desk. Also, same problem, but with index card boxes. Let's move on.

Fine. (Meany.)



[Drive to the youth center thrift shop]

Hey! Isn't this the place where we saw that old Underwood?

Yes, and it's the place where we left that old Underwood, too.

Maybe it's not as bad as we remember...

[Finds lonesome blue case in store]

Oh, it's worse.

You said it. Is the metal plate supposed to come off like that? And what's with the return lever? Why is it pointing at 3 o'clock?

This little guy sure has lead a hard life. Maybe it needs a cozy new home!

Oh be serious! I've seen starved hyenas leave more behind. Where's the right platen knob? And Ye Gods, what a jangly touch. No wonder Will Davis doesn't like those post-war Underwoods. This has to be their little-known "Crapper" model. And for ten bucks, this is a total pass.

OK, I guess you're right. Maybe over there on that table?

Well, that old Selectric clone looks like it's picked up a couple of friends. More electronics, even you don't like those.

You're right.

[Checks watch] Look, we need to get back to...

Oh! We totally have enough time to drive out to that hospice store!

What? That's miles away! And what if we hit traffic? We'll be late getting back.

[singsong] I'm going out to the caaaar...

[Bregrudging drive out to the hospice store]

Hey! 50% sale on the 12th!

Noted. If we see anything we like, maybe we can come back. And this place is always so pricey.

I stopped listening to you ten minutes ago, you know. Nothing cool outside, let's go in and sweep the camera shelf!

The wife will Kill Us, you know.

Junk, junk, junk... ooh, some nice cheapo panoramics! We could convert these to pinholes! You like that shot of Duffy's yes?

I do, but how much... five bucks each? Put 'em back. We've got junkers at home you can break.

But... but...

No buts, put them down. I'm not paing $10 for something you can do with a cardboard mask. No sir.

Fine. And for the record, let me just say...

Kodak box, to your left, down a shelf!

Wha? Whassat? Hey! A Brownie Flash outfit, flash, bulbs...

Where's the camera?

Wow! Look! Even an unopened box of 127 film! Expired in 1961, but hey, it's probably still usable...

Hello! Where's. The. Camera?! Big hole in middle of box, yes? I didn't see it anywhere, yes? And sure, old film is fun, when it's not disintegrating or the emulsion flakes off. Also, I don't have reels to process it. Whoopee, big fun!


No, no, and again no. And look! Ten bucks again. Still too much.

We could totally eBay that film.

...and thus lose the only thing of actual value here. No.

You're no fun at all.

And don't start on that movie camera, because yes-I-saw-it and no-we-don't-need-it. While you were drooling over the flashbulbs, I read the silly thing, and it takes batteries, which pretty much means that there's some leakage all over the inside of the thing, and we'll never use it.

[Id picks up old-school mixing board] Hey, lookit! "Mic 1", "Mic 2", "Mic 3", "Phono In"... man! I love old records! Wouldn't it be cool to get this and hook it up and mix some... um... stuff?

[Taps foot]

OK, fine, I'm putting it back. Geesh.

Look, we need to go, it's late and we have to get back.

Shinies in the jewelry case!

That overpriced Brownie?

No! Better! PENS.

Whazzat? Where? Budge over and let me look.

"Excuse me, could I please take a look at these pens over here?" (Glee!)

Eversharp? I know the name, but HOW MUCH do they want? Oh lord, no. And this set for... *gasp*... $95?!

Half off, though, see the little red line through the tag?

Uh huh. No. But what's this little red one?

Sheaffer 350

It says "Sheaffer" on it. Can't. Budge. The. Section.

Piston-fill, from the back. Unscrew that bit, see? Pretty good shape, and at half off...

It's so SHINY!

Yes, shiny. See pretty shiny. Nice pretty shiny. Also, manufacturer's name engraved on the side, so it's probably not a fake or a frankenpen. Will need to look this up on FPN when we get back...

"I think I'd like this one, please."

Wait, what? I need to analyze this! How do we know the section will come undone? Maybe it's all, I dunno, shellacked or something. And like we need another pen.

Super-ego: Quiet, both of you. I'm trying to make exact change here.


[Clapping hands] We got a shiny! We got a shiny!

Sheaffer 350


Mike Speegle said...

"[singsong] I'm going out to the caaaar..."

This actually made me snort laughter while on the phone with a client.

In other news, I sure am glad that I don't live within a reasonable distance of so many thrift stores. Other wise, I think I'd be completely broke(r).

Word verif. "solettack" To be assaulted by the sun.

mpclemens said...

By my count, I could hit eight local thrift stores in an afternoon, given favorable conditions. And I won't even get into the preponderance of antique shops in the next town over.

This is less of a blessing than you might expect.

Elizabeth H. said...

Oooh, a shiny! It's pretty!

Oh...wait...there's text to this post?

Seriously, this was a lot of fun. Thanks for taking us along! Wish I had that many thrift shops around. We just have a couple of Goodwills, and the eeeevil Value Village I only go into once in awhile to confirm how much I hates 'em.

Mike Speegle said...

The Good Lady Wife, Myself, and Mr. Speegle the Younger went out antiquing this evening (I'm SO easily influenced) to one of the biggest antique malls in Las Vegas.

Not. One. Typewriter.


Monda said...

Just glad I'm not the only one with so many loud thrifting voices in my head.

NICE pen. I've almost decided no one in Arkansas ever used a fountain pen. Haven't seen one anywhere, ever.

You realize, of course, that one good find only feeds the Id.

Olivander said...

That was hilarious (and disturbingly similar to what goes on in my own head in thrift stores).

"Id and Ego's Excellent Adventure"

Word Verification: chratere: when the NaNo character that seemed so good in your head on Oct 31 completely detonates on Nov 15, leaving a smoking crater in your story.

Strikethru said...

That sort of internal dialog is way too familiar to me.

Ted said...

Ha! ran across this again, and got a snort out of it. So, how's your Spring Typewriter Hunting Season going?

mpclemens said...

I was in a dry spell until today: spotted two (three if you count that monster Olympia still in the store) and brought one of them home. I'm well-pleased now.

TonysVision said...

Wonderful. I'd love to have eavesdropped on the conversation during the selecting for the de-acquisitioning.